Self Care, part two

IMG_0933

None of us truly knows how we will handle loss. In my case, I was capable of living on my own, handling my finances, getting through the final arrangements and all that follows the loss of a spouse.

I didn’t count on not being able to take a deep breath for what felt like months.

I didn’t expect to completely lose my appetite and my sense of humor.

I didn’t count on the paralyzing loneliness that overwhelmed me.

In the first few months most days I didn’t get dressed or even walk outside to get my mail. Days I spent almost entirely in bed, covers pulled over my head and tried to sleep so I wouldn’t have to think. I took a lot of bubble baths and basically hid out. I desperately missed my husband and our happy life. Every memory, even the good ones, caused me pain.  Not surprisingly, I cried a lot during this time. And though, intellectually I knew I wasn’t the only person in the world dealing with loss and sadness, it felt as though I was.

There is no time-table, no book, no one else’s advice that can tell you how to navigate your new normal. This is where self-care comes into play.  Being retired, I didn’t have to return to work for which I was grateful. Instead, I allowed myself to just….exist. No judgement, no guilt, no pressure to speed the process along.  Losing someone you love is the most intimately personal experience you can have and you’re entitled to feel every emotion that comes at you.

Be as understanding and kind to yourself as you would to others.

It gets better but it takes time. 

IMG-0906
If you need to, make this your mantra.

2 thoughts on “Self Care, part two

  1. It is painful to read this, though I knew on some level what you were experiencing. We can never know entirely unless we have experienced it ourselves. So happy to see you come out on the other side. I never doubted that you would. Strength has always been one of your many attributes. XO

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s